A Thief By Any Other Name. By Uncle Monty.

A Thief By Any Other Name.

By Uncle Monty.

Photos By Alex Albion.

~~~

It isn’t unusual for age twenty-something and

homeless hostel resident Curley of Parker House

to ask me to take his change for a ten quid note.

~~

I can always use the change at my Big Issue

pitch for my customers with 5’s and 10’s when

they purchase a pound fifty copy of the latest

issue from me at London’s Covent Garden.
~~~
Curley I have known for over three years
and I have always tried to help him out when-
ever I can. I’ve always felt that Curley was

abit shaky of personal character and what have

you. Nevertheless, I’ve always given him the

benefit of the doubt to be sure I could
somehow continue to help him in my
own small way.
~~~
His English upbringing and individual back-

ground is obviously very dicey, too. He’s

been a hostel resident, I guess, since he was

around age 17 or 18. He is now a regular fixture

at nearby Parker House for as long as I have

known him after his frequent visits and chats

with me at my open and welcoming pitch for all.
…
Most days he simply goes on the street and
plainly begs folkz by walking right upto some-

one and asking forthright for a donation or

for food. He’s rather good at it with his quick

wit and demonstrative charm to disarm those

he meets. Oftentimes, he seems to make more
cash than do most badged Big Issue vendors.
Curley, however, has never been a Big Issue
vendor or badged himself, so he’s told
me in the past.
~~~
Whatever, I must now report that Curley
is a thief by any other name after what

he did to me this Monday afternoon.

This is what happened:
~~~
As I said, Curley usually asks me to take his

change of ten pounds in coins for a ten pound

note. Such coins of his are from the folkz

who have given him money from his begging

of them on the streets of Covent Garden or

at Holborn Tube Station, etc. So today, like

other days, I simply took his change and gave

him a tenner from out of my orange plastic

wallet that usually contains some of my rent

money - around 50 quid - and my indispensable

'Freedom Pass' that allows me to travel free all

over London and the whole of the UK as a

British OAP and vunerable person.

~~~
I pulled out the ten pound note to give to

Curley from my orange wallet. I put the wallet

on my lap as I counted out the change he'd

given me. But, then I suddenly realised minutes

afterwards that my wallet was suddenly now

gone and vanished from my lap after counting

his change and turning for a moment to drop

the change into my wheelie bag.

~~~

I quickly checked my zipped jacket pockets and

my trouser pockets to be sure I'd not by chance

put the wallet back inside my pockets.

~~~
Then the penny suddenly dropped. If the wallet

wasn’t still on my lap and wasn’t in any of my

pockets, then someone had ripped it off right

under my own nose. And that someone could

only be Curley, who like a pickpocket had taken

my wallet and hid it on his body. When I con-

fronted him he affected outrage that I had

falsely accused him of stealing from me.

He even offered me to search him and I did.

I also grabbed him by his light grey sweat

shirt knowing that if Curley then disappeared

or ran off I would never see my wallet or my

Freedom Pass or my rent money ever again.

~~~

Being confident that I was right that he was

indeed the thief, I was then determined to

prevent him at any cost from him absconding

or escaping with my orange wallet that had

been left unguarded on my lap for only a few

minutes. Then Curley pounced on me and

somehow got the wallet from my lap and then

he secreted it up his left hand sleeve like some-

one who is a card trickster playing con card

games on the street or at dirty hand poker.

~~~

Curley was the thief and if I didn’t act quickly

I wasn’t going to gain the upperhand over such

a baby face and bareface thief that Curley

turned out to be.
~~~
He even said I should call the cops to prove he’d

not taken my wallet, but that was all part of his

bluff for I read his body language that told me he

had something to hide and that was my wallet. He

tried to pull away twice, but I simply held onto him

even more tightly as folkz soon gathered around my
pitch wondering what in the world was going on.

My good buddies from Murphy soon arrived, too.

They wanted to help me find my wallet as I

continued to search Curley to no avail.
~~~
Curley was cornered and he had nowhere else to

go as I continued to demand of him to hand back

my stolen wallet. Then suddenly from out of

thin air, Curley produced it in his left hand and

then quickly claimed with his injured looks that

my wallet was still in my own pocket after all!!

What a nerve and gall he had? Like my dear mom

always said – “I’ve never known a thief who wasn’t
also a rabid liar and a con man.” So true, my

dearest!! And so well said, dear mom!!
~~~
I was relieved to get my wallet and all back. It was

a close call for me since Curley almost got away with

it at my personal expense. He didn’t flinch an eyelid,

did Curley now with a defiant look after being caught

at his redhanded trick and being surrounded by

alot of folkz now at my Big Issue pitch.

~~~

Some folks had apparently already called the police.
I told the cell callers not to bother them since the

matter was now resolved between me and the

exposed thief. I then told Curley never to show
his face ever again at my pitch. He then fled.

~~~

For a couple of hours or so after the brazen

thief incident, folks were still asking me about

what had happened. They were glad I had

stopped the thief by my own actions and that

he didn’t get away with it after all. I knew, of

course, once he left the scene that would be

the end of the matter since I then could no

longer prove that Curley was indeed under-

handed and a thief by any other name!

~~~
And that’s what I got for trying to help someone

like Curley over the past few years. Oddly enough,

he also told me once that I should watch my wallet

“’cause someone might try to steal it!!” If the

cap fits, then wear it you little bastard!!
~~~
Mugshot of Curley.

~~~

Truly, Uncle Monty.
+Sts. Chad & Cedd, 2oo9.
~~~

"Sanjev," Yes? And, He's NO thief for sure!!
The Big Issue Delivery Come Monday Mornings.

~~~