No Longer Toothless.Story By Uncle Monty.
Photos By Alex Albion.
- - -
New dentures make you feel young again with a
set of gleaming white teeth after being toothless
perhaps for years or months on end. To suddenly
find you’re no longer toothless with your new
dentures displayed for all to see by your newly
founded broad smile impacts psychologically on
set of gleaming white teeth after being toothless
perhaps for years or months on end. To suddenly
find you’re no longer toothless with your new
dentures displayed for all to see by your newly
founded broad smile impacts psychologically on
the mind and physically on the face, I do believe.
- - -
While on the flip side of the coin, however, new
- - -
While on the flip side of the coin, however, new
dentures intrude on whatever make believe you
had that you’re not really getting old when in
fact dentures only confirms you are indeed and
fact dentures only confirms you are indeed and
like the practical reality confirms, too, you are.
Dentures sorrowfully denies that you’re
young or even middle-age, anymore ...
- - -
- - -
The use of dentures transcend race, creed, nationality
education and/or mental state. But economic status
may deprive many from access to getting needed
dentures at old age. Dentures, I suspect, is also a
education and/or mental state. But economic status
may deprive many from access to getting needed
dentures at old age. Dentures, I suspect, is also a
Western invention. But who knows or cares?
I don’t …
- - -
New dentures can for sure play havoc with your
- - -
New dentures can for sure play havoc with your
big mouth by creating a speech impediment that
you never before had. When you first go to speak,
the dentures impede your ability to speak in the
manner you usually and normally do. Instead,
your words, if you can get them out of your
mouth, come out sounding like some mumbo-
jumbo or an imbecile. I stopped for some moments
from speaking to others out of fear I'd be labelled
such an imbecile with dentures. Time, I am told,
will correct that as you get "acclimatized" to your
new-fangled teeth. Just twist your tongue and
then the words soon flow ... Maybe so, but I do
feel abit like an idiot if not a known imbecile
when I "denture speak."
- - -
And, taking the first bite of food to eat with den-
And, taking the first bite of food to eat with den-
tures is frought with open embarrassment when
the dentures suddenly want to tumble right out
of your stupid mouth. Mine did, you know ...
- - -
Rarely do dentures first sit so comfortably inside
- - -
Rarely do dentures first sit so comfortably inside
one’s old pitapat mouth. Nipping gums or rubbing
nerves, dentures can drive you up the wall trying
to get them to behave properly inside what was
once your toothless mouth.
- - -
So into my gob I put my first "trial" hard mint
So into my gob I put my first "trial" hard mint
humbugs, only to find my dentures soon crying
out loud inside my vivacious mouth. They wanted
it out of my mouth… and my new teeth started to
it out of my mouth… and my new teeth started to
rattle, too, at my endeavour to suck on my
favourite mints. My Pascall’s sweet Rhubarb and
Custard hard drops did the same thing. Oh and forget
those English sticky toffees for my upper and lower
dentures screamed as they got stuck together
like I had now a pitiful mouthful of superglue.
- - -
The best thing about dentures is you can brag
- - -
The best thing about dentures is you can brag
a nice broad smile once again with such nice look-
ing false teeth. But beware, not to be too smiley.
Because there’s nothing more embarrassing than
Because there’s nothing more embarrassing than
finding one’s dentures slipping out place and making
your smile look like a real imbecile trying to sudden-
ly adjust them back into place. And for heaven sake,
don’t wear them at night under any circumstances
‘cause you’re liable to get them stuck in your throat
like finding a dead frog in your home-made soup.
Such isn’t nice, know is it? Stuck dentures aren't
Such isn’t nice, know is it? Stuck dentures aren't
good for the denture nor for your
throaty throat mind for you.
- - -
Whatever, my Creekside Dental Centre’s super-
- - -
Whatever, my Creekside Dental Centre’s super-
dentist Dr. Abdul Salim-Said, and his professional
dental assistant Ruby, must be “blamed” for making
me no longer toothless. For months they’ve painstak-
ingly worked on my dental needs with the determination
of making me look alot more fearsome when I grit my teeth
and hold on now like a pitbull terrier to bite those who would
dare to upset me. What Abdul and Ruby, however, never
told me was that only a silly old foggey like me would ever
of making me look alot more fearsome when I grit my teeth
and hold on now like a pitbull terrier to bite those who would
dare to upset me. What Abdul and Ruby, however, never
told me was that only a silly old foggey like me would ever
dare wear dentures to appear to be no longer toothless.
When in fact I am more toothless now than at any other
time in my life. Let me now grit my dentures at least ….
My bark is still bigger then my bite with or without
those nice Abdul and Ruby dentures of mine …
in my own now no longer toothless mouth.
...
When in fact I am more toothless now than at any other
time in my life. Let me now grit my dentures at least ….
My bark is still bigger then my bite with or without
those nice Abdul and Ruby dentures of mine …
in my own now no longer toothless mouth.
...
This is my pretty set of dentures.
Smile, you're on camera, Uncle Monty.
The Day of the Jackal, 2oo8.
...
And, here's mum Fiona and Archie, who'll
be just 3 come Bonfire Night, 2oo8. Cheers.
...New Logo for thebiggerissie.org
... 
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